Gertruida’s Theory on the BIG Funeral

download (2)“Listen, I tell you: it’s all been orchestrated.” Gertruida sits back with a smug look. “They’re going for big stakes here.”

“What are you talking about, Gertruida? You’re not making any sense.” Boggel fetches new beers, just in case the conversation heats up. It’s been a dull day in Boggel’s Place, and they can do with a little excitement..

“Tata Madiba,” she says softly. “Who else?’

“What about him?” Even Vetfaan wants to know.

“It’s simple. The ANC is in trouble. They’re losing support, corruption is rife, the president isn’t popular any more. They have to do something to seem important.”

“Sooo…?” Patricia dangles the question in the silence.

“So they’re going to keep him going for a while. Obama is coming to visit South Africa tomorrow. They’ll roll out the red carpet, and fly by the few Air Force helicopters they’ve managed to keep going. I’m sure they’ll rustle up a brass band that can play The Stars and Stripes; get a caterer that can serve something else than sushi on naked ladies, and get Johnny Clegg to sing.

“And believe me, they’ll show poor old Obama all the things that’s doing well in the country. Most probably a tour of Mandela memorabilia, Table Mountain, and Vilakazi Street. America’s president will make all the right noises, and the ANC will be keen to improve American relationships – because a lot of money is involved.

“Then, on Saturday – even Sunday – the announcement of Nelson Mandella’s death will come. The nation will go into mourning. There’ll be calls for several days off work by the Unions. The SABC will show – over and over again – how the ANC was responsible for freeing the masses. There’ll be pictures of Mandela on every front page, the world over.”

Gertruida pauses here to contemplate the enormity of it all.

“The fact is,” she continues, “that any other person of that age, would not have been of life-sustaining machines any more. He’s ninety-four, for goodness’ sakes! He’s had a full life. He served his country. Why prolong his agony?

“You ask me, and I’ll tell you: I think he’s not with us any more. They’re keeping him going for some reason. And I think they want to get Obama out of the way before they start the show.”

“You know, Gertruida, I think you’ve been smoking something. Your theory is as far-fetched as the one saying that new party, Agang, is funded by the CIA. Where do you get your ideas from?” Servaas snorts – this is just too much!

“And don’t you for one moment think it wouldn’t be the most televised funeral the world has ever seen. The ANC will get more coverage than the Moon Landing. That is their goal. You just wait…you’ll see.”

But somehow, her words cause a subdued silence in Boggel’s Place. They’re all asking themselves one simple question.

What if…?

11 thoughts on “Gertruida’s Theory on the BIG Funeral

  1. melroseinpretoria

    Gertruida se hipotese en sesde sintuig het raakpunte met di ware scenario wat afspeel. Hy is beslis in ‘n koma met ventilator wat hom dwing om asem te haal. Dalk is daar nie eers meer bloeddruk en net flou hartklop oor . Of dalk le hy klaar “instasie” Maar die mediasirkus gaan groter wees as wat die sokkerwèreldbeker was ek dink ons is in vir ‘n surprize! Daar kan dalk selfs looters en geweld wag met anti-Mandela oukies…wie weet dalk was Siener van Rensburg reg….hy het voorspel van die eerste swartman wat SA gaan regeer en die hele wêreld wat hom gan vereer en dat hy met sy hande omhoog in Engeland gaan staan (bronsbeeld van Mandela in Engeland) dalk moet ons hoor wat se Gertruida van die post-begrafnis gebeure wat voorspel sy….moet ons blikkies kos koop en ander voorrade opgaar en in bunkers en in die boendoes gaan wegkruip?

  2. Heilana Coetzee

    Ja daar is soveel empatie wat instroom en mooi songs wat self Zuma sing en skoolkids met kerse amper in soos met Di se begrafnis….dalk “unite” dit SA…. Dalk het ons die bully bief en kerse nodig voor of na die verkiesing volgende jaar net soos in 1994! Maar die geskiedenis herhaal homself so dis dalk beter om layby by Sammmie se winkel te neem en al die stock terug te vat as niks weereens gerealiseer het van die doemprofete se voorspellings !!! Dankie vir die goeie storie oor Gertruida se gevolgtrekkings uit ‘n goed opgestlse hipotese oor die feite van die gebeure.

  3. Pingback: Gertruida’s Theory on the BIG Funeral | Official Site of Henri Le Riche

  4. Bridge Builder

    I am convinced Gertruida will also tell you Edward Snowden was given the order by the CIA to tell the world how all our moves are already monitored by the clandestine services of the world- what better disguise to deliver intimidation as a “whistleblower”…
    It is not unwise to have a self sufficient farm these days, and since Rolbos is fiction and we can talk satirically Rolbos can still be a place to say what everyone thinks without City Press publishing your tweets or facebook statements on a sunday :-)))

    1. Amos van der Merwe Post author

      Ah, the delicious humour only found in Boggel’s Place! And yes, maybe Gertruida is a conspiracy theory specialist, but oh boy! don’t we just have such a lot of fun with her!

      1. Bridge Builder

        🙂 I am reminded of that little picture that made it’s round on facebook a while ago, the one sheep in the heard telling the others: I bet the dog is working together with the man … and the other sheep just saying: nah …. 🙂

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